Beside The Empty Seat*

A Somewhat Personal & Very Non-objective View of Life In Japan

Don't forget to check out the Gaijin's Tip of the Month & Where-to-Go!

Well, the bad weather Japan experienced during early May, when it felt more like the rainy season, revealed an interesting difference in national characteristics. I refer, of course, to the way people carry their umbrellas. Have you noticed? I, for example, carry my umbrella in the usual Western way, with the point aiming forward so that I can see where it goes. Most, indeed almost all Japanese carry theirs with the point aiming backwards. Doing a little amateur psychology, I reckon this might reflect the fact that the Japanese don't think about what they can't see, that if you are behind them, you don't matter. A bit like the cliché phrase 'form over substance' that is so often used to describe the Japanese. Maybe I'm wrong but it does seem to fit the facts. Check it out next time it rains & be careful who or what you walk into!

On the international front, did you see Japan complaining about Chinese Police entering a Japanese consulate to remove North Korean refugees? Now some might see this diplomatic slap in the face as China's revenge for Tokyo's refusal to admit they did anything wrong in the 1930s & 40s, but I still find it hard to believe. After all, if you can't trust the Beijing regime, who can you trust? Also, did you see the way the diplomats within the compound sauntered over to where these refugees were getting roughed up? Not exactly breaking into a sweat! Maybe it would have been different if they hadn't been Koreans. After all, we all know how much many influential Japanese (like Tokyo's governor) love the Koreans . . .

As if fast-food restaurants weren't busy enough, I read that McDonalds has teamed up with Japanese software major Softbank to introduce a high-speed web service in thousands of its restaurants. Now I am far from being a fan of McDonalds & deeply regret that the local franchisee of Burgerking screwed things up so that the 'Whopper' is no longer available here, & so this news doesn't really affect me too much. After all, it will take more than a chance to check my email to get me to eat what McDonalds humorously refers to as a hamburger, but I am sure this will attract a lot of Japan's internet-addicted youth. Therefore, next time you feel desperate enough to venture beyond the 'Golden Arches', be prepared for a wait for a seat as some young airhead struggles to handle a mobile phone, a hamburger & a mouse simultaneously!

What they never taught you at Harvard! It seems that some folk in Japan don't feel that being a world centre for child porn is enough & so a somewhat bizarre 'university'  (in Roppongi of all places) has announced its intention to offer a 6-month course on how to make a porn video. If this sounds interesting to you, then it might encourage you to know that all you need is to pass an interview, to check on your motivation, plus  an admission fee of 200,000 yen & 980,000 yen in tuition fees. Now that might sound a mite expensive but bear in mind that this includes actresses' fees. (You'll be pleased top know the includes how to scout actresses.) But maybe you're worried about job hunting after 'graduation.' Well, just remember that some Japanese adult video makers hire 10 university graduates per year as future producers, so there is quite a demand for porn movie directors, it seems. However, on the bad side, whereas adult video producers make big profits, directors often get less then 200,000 yen, so don't expect a Hollywood lifestyle! However, industry leaders are hoping for a change in the law that would allow them to export more, to foreign markets where Japanese actresses are understandably very popular. If so, this could help Japan's trade figures so maybe graduates could feel motivated by economic patriotism.

As if things weren't bad enough for Japan, Tokyo's right-wing governor, Shintaro Ishihara, has hit the news in two ways. Firstly, he has been mentioned as a possible successor if PM Koizumi should be forced to resign (Koizumi-san suddenly looks much nicer). Then comes the news that Shintaro-san is planning to serve another term as the 'mayor' of Tokyo. What's Tokyo ever done to him? Having wasted a huge amount of taxpayers money on staging a military exercise in the Ginza (a well known battlefield), after warning the soldiers to be on their guard against foreign looters after the next earthquake, Shintaro-san also decided to revive sweet memories by using the term 'Sangokujin', which is Japan's equivalent of 'nigger.' Would you buy a used car from this man? He probably wouldn't sell me one, as I'm a foreigner!

Now some might feel that having a Finance Minister older than the sea is true Confucianist respect for elders. However, some more cynical folk might think it shows party politics being put ahead of the national interest. This is reflected in the latest incident involving Masajuro Shiokawa, Japan's 80-year-old Finance Minister. Did you see that? Seems that while he was in Shanghai, attending an annual meeting of the Asian Development Bank, he screwed up his lines. What he meant to say was that Japan would make a contribution of $50 million to the Japan Fund for Poverty Reduction -- in line with this fiscal year's ¥81.23 trillion yen budget. However, what he actually said was that Tokyo was ready to provide $500 billion. A bit different, desu ne? Poor old guy made a mistake with his English, I hear you say. Wrong, he was speaking in Japanese. Of course Tokyo will back out of this, & it goes without saying that he won't suffer, but it makes you wonder what other mistakes Mr Youthful has already made. Time to double check your taxes, methinks!

Gaijin's Tip:

'Many carparks in Tokyo cost more than a flat back home so think twice before buying a car, especially as public transport here is safe & reliable.'
(Taken from the 'Gaijin's Guide to Living in Japan')

&

Gaijin's Where-to-Go

'If you feel like seeing some Japanese martial arts, classes at the Budokan Gakuen are open for public viewing, up to 3 classes at a time. The Gakuen is open Mon-Fri 5-8pm, & 2-6.30pm on Saturdays . Nearest Subway is Kudanshita. For more information, call 03-3216-5143.'
(Taken from the 'Gaijin's Guide to Enjoying Tokyo')

Miss last month's 'Empty Seat'? Not to worry. You can check out the Gaijin's previous ramblings as easily as clicking below.

• April/May 2002 issue

Well enough is enough, as the chap said as he climbed out of the whiskey vat. If you're masochistic enough to want some more. feel free to check in around the middle of June for the next engrossing view of Tokyo as seen from over here. Until then, take care & don't let the sons-of-bachelors get you down.

The Gaijin